


Feeling This

by burymeinziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 23:27:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/627697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burymeinziam/pseuds/burymeinziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam just hoped that this was enough because it was all he was able to offer at the moment. He couldn’t give Zayn forever but he could give him this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling This

Liam likes it when Zayn is quiet and wrapped all around him and the lights are low and it’s nothing but them and the sheer silence of the room.

He likes it when Zayn looks up at him and his eye s are big and bright and his smile is wide and genuine and Liam can relish in the knowledge that he’s the reason Zayn smiles so easily.

Liam loves the feeling of Zayn’s fingers sliding up his chest and along the smooth line of his neck and into his hair in that way that lets him know that Zayn is going to kiss him.

It’s pretty perfect, the way in which their kisses start off shy and cautious. The way Liam’s hands are shaky (from nerves, pure need or possible combination of the two, Liam isn’t sure) when he reaches for Zayn’s shoulder. It may have something to do with the fact that they’ve never had time like this together. It’s not a foreign concept, Zayn and Liam being alone with one another, but it isn’t something they get to enjoy and experience on a regular basis. There is always someone there, something getting in the way; a nagging voice in the back of Liam’s head telling him that this is wrong, this is something he doesn’t deserve to have, getting in the way of them just touching and feeling and being together.

Liam finds comfort in the familiarity of Zayn’s body on top of his, in the way Zayn shifts and sort of straddles his thigh and the sheer perfection of their bodies sliding and rocking and rutting and Zayn’s hot breath in his ear.

He finds pleasure in how completely unraveled he feels. He loses all inhibitions because in this room, in this bed, it’s just him and Zayn. He’s got someone to hold on to, an anchor of sorts, that keeps him from floating away. Here, there are no worries of appearances or smiles, of right versus wrong, of saying or doing the right things. Here it is just feeling and all Liam can feel is Zayn’s lips against his neck and his fingers digging into his ass as he drags his hips hard, fast, and needy against his own.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this,” Zayn breaths into Liam’s skin.

Liam can feel his lips curving up into a smile and then parting when their hips slot together just right and Zayn is burying his head into Liam’s shoulder because suddenly it’s all feeling like too much.

“Look at me,” Liam demanded, threading his fingers into Zayn’s hair and making note of how different it was from Danielle’s.

Zayn lifts his head to meet Liam’s eyes. They still and, for a moment, they just look at each other. They drink one another in and enjoy the fact that they are there and they’re together. Liam notices the earnest look in Zayn’s eyes and he kind of falls in love all over again because Zayn hasn’t really looked at him like that in a long time. Zayn hasn’t been so open and vulnerable and his in months and Liam had almost forgotten what that felt like.

Liam tilts his head to the side and he smiles something soft and fond, something that doesn’t match the feel of the achingly herd erection lying flat against his stomach. He reaches up and places his open palm against the side of Zayn’s face and the younger of the pair sighs and nearly falls into touch, the shaky exhale of breath causing his body to shudder as Liam strokes the skin just beneath his eye.

“I’ve missed you,” Liam whispers.

“That’s your fault,” Zayn replies in a playful tone that Liam knows would have been a bit more serious if it wouldn’t have ruined the moment. He knows that they’re only words and that Zayn is merely stating the truth because Liam has no one to blame but himself for the way he’s been feeling in the three – almost four – weeks it’s been since he and Zayn have been pressed so close together.

But Liam doesn’t want to think about that; not right now at least. He wants to focus on the way the bare expanse of Zayn’s back feels beneath his unworthy fingertips. Liam wants to commit to memory the way in which Zayn subconsciously arches up into his open palm causing his fingers to spread and touch every possible inch of tan, sweat covered skin as Zayn’s jaw goes slack at the feel of their erections sliding hot and slick together against Liam’s stomach. 

In Zayn, Liam finds solace. He finds simplicity and ease. It’s ironic when he thinks about it and Liam has to force himself to choke back a laugh and groan into the crook of Zayn’s neck as he rolls his hips justright because whatever this is he has with Zayn is far from simple. It’s messy and it hurts most of the time because Liam knows Zayn wants more than he’s ever been able to give.

Liam drags his hands down Zayn’s back until the settle over the gentle curve of his ass before he squeezes the flesh tight between his fingers. Zayn sort of yelps out in surprise but chuckles into Liam’s collar bone and pushes back into the touch.

“Didn’t know I would like that,” Zayn mumbles into Liam’s skin.

Liam only wishes this would be enough; this touchfeelgivetake relationship he and Zayn have been sharing over the past year or so. He’d never really pegged himself as the type of guy who would enjoy – and eventually even crave – something as simple and noncommittal as casual sex. Liam sort of expected the behavior out of Zayn and wasn’t all that surprised when Zayn had gone as far as to suggest the idea one night when he’d gotten drunk and stumbled into Liam’s hotel room. Initially, he’d been against the idea since he had a girlfriend and wasn’t exactly fond of the notion of infidelity.

But Zayn was so drunk and so very pretty and Liam had been thinking of what he’d look like spread wide over his bed and Zayn probably wouldn’t even remember it in the morning so why not?

Liam hadn’t expected to wake up with Zayn wrapped up in his sheets and he sure as hell didn’t expect to like the feeling of his body, warm and solid, pressed tight up against his side.

It wasn’t love. Not from the start, at least. In the beginning it was all based around convenience. They were both lonely and they were both there so what was stopping them from having a little fun? Friends fool around all the time. But sometimes Zayn would smile at him in this way that was meant solely for Liam and sometimes Liam would catch himself staring at Zayn like he was the most wonderful thing to ever touch European soil.

And then it wasn’t so simple anymore. It was messy and complicated and painful because Zayn could feel it too and, even though he’d never say so in words, Liam could tell he wanted more. He wanted entwined fingers and stolen kisses that didn’t feel so stolen. He wanted more than Liam was capable of giving because as much as Liam wanted the Zayn’s fingers slotted between his he also longed for the scent of Herbal Essences shampoo and a girl who knew him like the back of her hand.

“What’re you thinking about?” Zayn asks, nibbling on Liam’s earlobe.

Liam’s breath catches in his throat and he doesn’t bother with resisting the urge to turn the tables and flip Zayn over on the bed so he’s the one hovering above him. He stares down into Zayn’s eyes, his pupils blown wide in lust and what Liam doesn’t want to identify as love because sometimes that thought is just too much to handle, and grins because this is exactly what he needs. He lays himself down over Zayn and just feels the length of him beneath his body and knows that this is right.

“Doesn’t matter,” Liam answers, his lips brushing against the skin of Zayn’s neck. “Just wanna—” Liam uses his knee to inch Zayn’s legs apart and then lifts his head to meet his gaze. “Can I?”

Zayn nods his head in response and that’s all the confirmation Liam needs before he’s opening his bedside drawer and pulling out a condom and a small bottle of lube. It isn’t long before Liam has Zayn reduced to a babbling mess pushing his hips down against Liam’s fingers which are curving up into his body just right as Zayn grips Liam’s forearm and incoherently begs him to just “fuck me already, please.”

Liam groans as he pushes past the tight ring on muscle and into the unyielding heat of Zayn’s entrance. It’s been so long and it’s nearly impossible for Liam not to just force his way inside and fuck Zayn senseless into the mattress.

“Holy—Jesus Christ, Zayn,” Liam gasps out as slowly bottoms out and leans over to once again cover Zayn’s body with his own.

Zayn’s eyes have slipped closed and his lips are slightly parted as the curve upwards into a knowing smile. He cracks an eye open and wraps his arms around Liam’s shoulders and rolls his hips causing Liam to let out a low groan.

“I know,” Zayn replies his voice sounding a little more wrecked than he would like to let on. “Now move.”

Once they find a steady rhythm Liam finds himself wishing more and more that this could be enough for the both of them. He knows Zayn will never tell him how much it hurts. He knows Zayn will never say anything, but Liam can also see it in his eyes and feel it in the way Zayn makes a habit of pulling him so close as if he’s afraid that Liam might float away or disappear into thin air.

It made Liam hate himself because it hurts him just as much. He hated feeling torn between the girl of his dreams and this boy who has the ability to set his skin on fire with a single brush of his fingers. Liam hated himself because he shouldn’t have been feeling this way about anyone other than his girlfriend, let alone one of his best friends.

“There,” Zayn is whimpering into Liam’s chest and he’s holding on to his arms so tight Liam is sure he’s going to have bruises in the morning.

Liam looks down at the boy beneath him, gasping and gripping and begging Liam for “more, please, c’mon” and his heart aches because he wants it too. He wants this – what they have right now where all they need is the feeling and the knowledge that the other body is there – and then he also wants so much more. Liam longs for safety and security and love and he knows Zayn can give that to him, knows Zayn is ready and willing to hand all of that over; all Liam has to do is ask. 

But Liam can’t ask and he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t trust himself to give back just as much. He’d done safety and security and whispered promises of forever and all that earned him was the tear stained face of a beautiful girl as she walked out the front door of his apartment.

Liam figured he wasn’t ready for forever so much as he was for moments like these where he could literally feel Zayn’s heart beating beneath flesh and bone and muscle. Where he could taste the sweat soaking Zayn’s skin and see the pure need in Zayn’s eyes whenever he was able to pry them open. 

Liam just hoped that this was enough because it was all he was able to offer at the moment. He couldn’t give Zayn forever but he could give him this. 

The feeling of Liam’s lips against the pulse point at Zayn’s neck.

The tight grip of Liam’s hands on Zayn’s hips.

The sharp pang of pleasure that shoots through Zayn’s hips if Liam angles his hips just right.

This is guaranteed.

“Close,” Liam mutters, biting down on his lower lip and Zayn just looks so blissed out of his mind as Liam takes hold of his erection and tries to bring him that much closer to the edge. And then Zayn is moaning, loud and broken and unlike anything Liam has ever heard before as he spills over his own stomach.

Liam continues to chase after his own orgasm, relishing in the feel of Zayn clenching around his cock and shuddering due to the oversensitivity of it all. He drinks in the beauty of Zayn sprawled out across the bed with his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted with one arm draped over the edge of the bed. He relishes in the indescribable pleasure he feels as he slides in and out of the wet heat of his would-be-boyfriend.

And Liam decides that this is all he wants, this is all he needs; just these moments where it’s only him and Zayn and this incomprehensible feeling. Maybe someday in the future he and Zayn can buy a house and drink coffee each morning and pay bills. Maybe one day they’ll fight and scream and shout and storm out of rooms, slamming doors in their wake only to come back minutes later whispering apologies and ‘I love you’s’ against each other’s lips. Maybe one day Liam will find himself on one knee sliding a ring onto Zayn’s finger because he’s finally able to give him that forever that Zayn has always wanted and never got the chance to have.

Maybe one day they can have it all, but for now, this is enough. These moments where they’re as close as two people can possibly be and Liam is aching and bruised and incandescently happy. This is when he feels whole and complete and free.

And it’s when he reaches his nirvana and collapses on top of Zayn, when he feels the arms of his best friend wrap around his middle and Zayn’s lips against his hair, that Liam knows Zayn gets it and that he can feel it too.


End file.
